Children and Divorce

For divorcing parents, the single biggest concern is the well-being of their children. Nothing is more important than protecting their kids from the damage that they fear being stuck in the middle of a protracted dispute between their parents can cause. Perhaps they have seen or even experienced the pain a difficult divorce can inflict on children and the lasting scars that it can leave. And the fear runs so deep that sometimes parents can remain stuck in a painful limbo because they will endure anything to protect their children from harm.

the truth

But the truth is both simpler and more complicated than it appears. Divorce needn’t mean putting children in harm’s way. And suffering through an unhappy marriage is no guarantee of protecting them. Studies have repeatedly shown that it is the exposure to parental conflict, rather than the divorce itself, which creates the greatest danger of harm for children. With loving support, children can successfully adapt to new situations and circumstances much more easily than many parents realize. The key is the parents’ ability to work together to protect their children from exposure to their conflict.

Why does mediation and collaborative law work best for parents?

Successfully shepherding your children through a divorce requires more than merely seeing to their financial needs. Helping parents to work together to consider and meet all of their children’s needs, even and especially in the face of dramatic changes to their own relationship, is at the core of mediation and collaborative law.

And the benefits can be much greater than just finding the best solutions. By promoting a healthy co-parenting relationship, participants are setting their families up for long term success. Instead of getting lost in the conflict, parents get to truly focus on what it takes to protect their children.
As a family mediator, I will work with you to cover all the bases and address all of the issues of importance to you and your children.

A healthy, reliable schedule

It’s important to develop a structure that cultivates healthy relationships between you and your children–and between both of their parents. This often includes a plan for parenting time.

Life is complicated and finding ways to navigate children’s and parent’s schedules requires determination and cooperation. Regular weekly scheduling, vacations, travel – we work together to design the schedule that works best for your family. No matter how old they are, how you choose to handle your divorce can have a profound effect on your children. As a family mediator, I’ll help you focus your attention on what matters most.

Health care: structure and plan for the unexpected

We’ll explore ways to maintain the health and wellness care your children receive. We’ll also discuss strategies for handling unexpected health issues.

Cash flow: protect and stabilize

Predictable financial arrangements can offer a sense of physical and emotional reassurance at a critical time in your children’s lives. Everyone’s situation is different. Some financial needs are immediate, while others–especially where children are involved–must address your family’s long-term well-being.

some concerns for which we might create detailed plans and formulas include:

  • Child care
  • Extracurricular activities
  • Day-to-day expenses
  • School trips
  • Milestone events
  • Vacations
  • Summer Camp
  • Trust(s)
  • Wills and estate planning
  • Rising costs (inflation)

Education: set common goals

We know that your children’s education matters to you. We will help you have the important discussions around your educational priorities and how to fund them. Working together, we’ll seek to create a common goal and discuss how you plan to achieve it together.

Strategies for making important decisions

Achieving success means having productive discussions around the important decisions in your children’s lives. You may not always agree, but your children are counting on you to make the right choices for them – both now and after you separate. My goal as a family mediator or collaborative lawyer is to provide you with safe, effective and nondestructive ways to have those discussions.


I’ll provide the forum and strategies to avoid speaking through intermediaries, lawyers or the court to reach sound decisions yourselves. Because no one knows the right answers for your children better than you do.

What if?: balancing as your life evolves

We all know that change is part of life. Even though we can’t predict the future, we can discuss how you want to make decisions so you aren’t caught off balance by shifts in the landscape. Together, we can discuss predictable – and unpredictable – changes in your personal and financial situation, and identify ways to incorporate strategies for managing these changes into your settlement agreement.

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